When you think about the typical player talking to women, you think “yo, baby, yo baby, yo!”, and although that might work with your younger naïve women, it won’t do much for women that are a little more intelligent and have had the time to gain real experience dealing with men. The simpleton banter just won’t work with experienced women.

Intelligence. And when I say intelligence, I don’t mean the intelligence behind a trade or field of study. I’m referring to a broader intelligence. For instance, I listen to national public radio (NPR), constantly read books covering a variety of subjects (I’ve read nearly 100 books in a little over a year), and most importantly, I am out experiencing as much of life as I possibly can (I don‘t watch television). Your typical wannabe player doesn’t care to learn about the world, doesn’t care to read a variety of literature, and doesn’t care to actually experience the whole of life outside of his sports, videogames, etc. What this has allowed me to do, is be able to comment and talk about just about any topic that comes up, and talk about it with a level of competence that shows that I’m not talking from out of my ass. Why does the average player have trouble with conversations with women? It’s simple, he doesn’t know anything outside of his “game” or narrow field of interests. Conversation flows naturally for those that have actually educated themselves beyond the typical.

To give you an idea of the women I talk to, I’ve talked to a woman that has her own radio show, a woman that produces a morning television show, a corporate lawyer, several women in the medical fields, several women in politics, and several women that own their own businesses. And in order for me to make sure they enjoy their time with me, I have to stay in touch with the world around me, as well as be literate in a variety of topics. When I’m talking to women, whether at work, or in a night club or while I’m out on a date, I am simply engaging them; And they’re engaging me. We’re engaging each other as two humans making a connection and understanding one another. It has nothing to do with “game”. “Game” is a very minor part of my conversations with women. Women are looking at who you are as a person, and no amount of game can make up for ignorance and lack of experience. And perhaps now you’re beginning to understand why “game” isn’t a replacement for your character.

The women I deal with constantly talk about how kind/nice I am. Again, in my job, I have to be sensitive to and aware of others emotions. For instance, one girl was crying when she met me, and by the time our time was up, she was laughing. I can’t even begin to count how many times women have said “thank you” for just being a guy that is sensitive to their emotions and moods. If I can tell that something’s bothering her, I’m going to ask about it. If I can tell that she’s sad, I’m going to make her smile. And if I can tell that she’s upset about something, I’m going to show her the upside of her situation. And sometimes that kindness isn’t always conversation. It’s knowing when to back off, it’s knowing that a subject is too sensitive to touch at the moment, and most importantly it’s knowing when to just lend your ear and not your mouth.

Some of you remember in one of my stories how my soon to be girlfriend said that my voice was just very calm and relaxing for her to be around. I brushed that off and didn’t pay any real attention to it. However, over about the past two months, I’d say that three or four women have mentioned how calming/soothing my tone of voice is. Think of how a father would speak to his daughter, and that’s my everyday tone of voice and body language when I’m talking to women one on one. Making strong eye contact to emphasize key points. Lowering your voice to show that you care. Slowing your movements as not to frighten. My guess is that the way I engage in conversation reminds women of how their father would engage them. Again, I pay it no attention, as it is my everyday self, but several women have gone out of their way to comment on the calmness I exhibit with them.

Speaking of father figures, I am just a very supportive guy. Even when I disagree with the actions taking place, I am supportive. For instance, my ex-wife is a lesbian, but do I knock her for it? No. I have supported her every step of the way. And it’s the same with every woman I talk to. I have a very “how can I help you?” type personality. And I think that’s something that a lot of men lack. They seem to be stuck in their ways, self-centered, and are very quick to strike someone down. Even when I do want to get into the pants of a woman, my first priority is to make her feel good, and not the other way around. Believe it or not, there are women out there who have let me influence whether they stay with or leave their husband/boyfriend. That’s how much trust women have in me. They know that I’m going to remove my personal biases, and show them both the positives and negatives to their situations, and then support their decision.

And this leads up to honesty. I am just very honest when I talk to women. Not in the sense of saying more than what’s necessary, but in the sense that I am willing to expose who I truly am. Countless women have complained to me about how dishonest men are. When talking to these women, they’ve always told me how they admired and appreciated my honesty. The fact that I am willing to expose who I am and what I’m about--show the nakedness of my personality and views--gives women a sense of security when they’re with me. Not the security that I’ll never leave, but the security of knowing that they can trust that I’ll always be honest. And with that honesty, there is no “game”, there is only truth. My conversations with women.